4 things I am reminding my senior citizen mother of as she dips her toes into the geriatric dating pool

Are you in your 60′s and TRYING to date? My mother is attempting to stick the tip of her pinkie toe in this pool- and HOLY COW….it is HARD and scary and there are a lot of really *interesting*men out there. Of course let me preface this post with this disclaimer- my mother, if left to her own devices would sit in her bed and stream Bette Davis films on Netflix 24/7- so my siblings and I are setting up online dating profiles for her and making the rounds. And it is a brave new and BRUTAL world especially if you are a woman over 35 years old.

Yes, you read that right- 35 years old. Men who are in their sixties want women who are 35- and in their profiles and private messages have made it perfectly clear that they want a woman who has a good body and can still shtoop aka yiddush for have sex. And the truth is my mother is terrified- and says she is not taking her clothes off for anyone, unless he’s got a scalpel and is wearing a white coat. And who could blame her– most of these men seem to be sex starved and hunting young prey- and are not even mildly interested in getting acquainted with someone who is of their generation. I told my mother we need to start looking at the ninety years olds- at which point she has said- Ok- because they probably wont care if I don’t want to shtoop.

But really how does an older woman brave this minefield of dating- after an eternity of being with just one man. Here is some sage advice from the Show Millionaire Matchmaker:

#1-Men marry virtue not vagina. (This tip proved to offer some comfort to my mother who says she is FULL OF VIRTUE and doesn’t even like to utter that other V word).

#2 -Men beg for sex they are not going to get.Another tip my mother liked, as she said- she is an EXPERT at playing hard to get.

#3 -Remember that we can mush together our thoughts and feelings- whereas men can either feel or think. My mother says she would rather these men just THINK about sex.

#4 -The pilot and the pilot don’t fly the plane. The right man has to be bigger, stronger and more masculine than you. If you want to be with a man leave your plastic balls some where else. My mother says she will keep this in mind and not tell the guy what to do when they are in a car and he refuses to ask for directions.