Breaking up in the Age of Facebook: Tips to cut off your ex for good
Ah Facebook– the one social media network that makes it oh so easy to stalk your ex after a breakup. But I’m telling you: You need to stop now, for your own sanity! Here’s some advice!
I’m sure we’ve all done it: Obsessively hacking into our ex boyfriend’s voice mail account to retrieve his messages or incessantly driving by the restaurants we frequented together as a couple, hoping to get a glimpse of him and his new squeeze. Sneaking around feels sleazy and inappropriate, but sometimes we just can’t get a handle on our compulsive behaviors.
Are you a stalker?
Facebook, however, makes it so much easier to obsess over an ex boyfriend. And, to make matters worse, you don’t even have to be friends with each other. Likely you share Facebook friends and get treated to pictures posted of him with his new girlfriend.
According to Paul A. Falzone, CEO of eLove, once you start spending time on your ex’s Facebook page or the pages of your mutual friends just to get small nuggets of information about him (or her!), you’ve officially become a Facebook/social media stalker.
Stalking your ex on social media won’t bring closure
For the same reason texting, e-mailing or calling your ex on a regular basis won’t give you closure, stalking your ex on social media won’t bring closure either, notes Falzone.
“The break up of a relationship is like a death and those affected must grieve for a certain period,” says Mr. Falzone. “Frequent contact with the other party in the relationship simply delays the grieving period.”
You can quit stalking your ex on facebook
You can quit stalking your ex, notes Falzone. And admitting you have the problem is, as always, the first step. If you know you’re acting like a stalker but can’t stop, the best thing is to go cold turkey and terminate your Facebook account where the ex is a “friend.” It may be extreme, but it is the best way to quit and you can always open another account once the monkey is off your back.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Block your ex.
Another tactic, and this is more of a psychological ploy, says Falzone, is to be proactive and block your ex. What does that do to them? Nothing. But blocking them in some small way can help you reclaim a shred of your dignity. And even if your ex and your intentions towards each other are well-meaning, contact with each other just prolongs the sadness.
2. Delete friends of your ex from your Facebook or social media site.
If they are your friends, fine, but contact with his friends will only keep you connected to your ex and extend your grieving of the breakup.