Scenes from a Marriage: Can a husband and wife survive planning a bat mitzvah without DRIVING EACHOTHER CRAZY? Cue The odd couple music…
We knew this day would come. But my husband and I are both major procrastinators. My husband more so than me- he’s the type of guy, who waits till he casually bumps into a neighbor to ask a question- as opposed to just ringing their doorbell- and just flat-out ASKING his question- because in these FRIGID NYC temps, all of my neighbors are just taking long leisurely walks outdoors every chance they get .. but I digress.
So here we are planning our daughter’s bat mitzvah. Which, for all intents and purposes is just a big ole glorified birthday party- but it is also that crucial point in her life one in which she will take stock of who she is and where she is headed (in a speech she keeps asking ME to write for her– NOT HAPPENING). And as we get into the GRITTY part of planning a kosher bat mitzvah at a hall I have VISIONS of my older sister Martyne Greenblatt in her Gunne Sax dress celebrating her bat mitzvah in our row house basement drinking out of a garden variety no-frills white plastic cup and I just remember how happy she was and how happy we all were with so.much.less. But lest you think I am hiring Cirque De Soleil to fly in a trapeze and breath fire for my guests- I’ll have you know I am doing EVERYTHING I possibly can to keep costs to a minimum and to remember this is a party for kids- this is not my Quincenera!
But here we are in 2013- and the bat mitzvah scene is a whole different beast and so if you’d humor me I’d like to regale you with just a few of the interactions behind the closed doors of my marriage as I plan and try to keep it all within a reasonable budget.
ON THE GUEST LIST:
The husband: Who is the X family?
Me: She is my friend.
The Husband: So why have I never heard you mention her name?
Me: Well lucky for you – you will have the pleasure of making her acquaintance at the bat mitvah.
On the Menu:
The husband: Do we really need to give the kids appetizers?
Me: Would you prefer they ate their napkins while waiting for their entree?
On the clothing:
The husband: I don’t need to buy a new suit. I’ll just wear one I already have.
Me: That’s fine- but don’t expect to be in any family pictures with your broken down threads.
I could go on and on- and invite you to listen to every.single.one. of these interminable exchanges- but I’ll spare you. My one word of advice for my husband- BEND OVER….