Should you divulge the problems in your marriage to anyone other than a therapist?!
We’ve all been there. We make this vow to have and to hold through sickness and health and we truly believe we would never forsake the other. How could we imagine our marriages would be anything other than the perfectly crafted weddings which preceded them? And of course being under the influence of free flowing champagne, surrounded by so much love and heady with the sheer newness of it all, we walk into our marriages hoping for and even expecting the fairytale ending. And then like every couple who has ever taken a marital vow- we come up against a stumbling block.
Perhaps up until that point the minor tiffs we had with our spouse were something we kept hidden, finding it unnecessary to divulge to our closest friends what truly goes on behind the closed doors of our marriage. For some couples keeping their most intimate secrets close to the vest works. They believe communicating their needs, trying to work things out, without involving a third party would diffuse the situation. Most of us don’t want to bear all the secrets and flaws which infiltrate our marriages. And really who does? However the perpetual stress of a spouse who perhaps physically abuses you, has been unfaithful, or has a chemical dependency – can break a marriage and force you to seek refuge and comfort in the arms of friends.
Yet so many of us who have shared our marital problems with our friends, have also felt the stunning backlash, when, once we felt we’d made amends with our spouse- the friends to whom we confided the darkest secrets of our marriage, felt a sense of betrayal. Our friends felt that by staying in our marriage we are betraying our own sense of self- and their friendship. Ultimately it is a tricky road to navigate. I guess the real question is, is it ever really okay to confide your marital problems and if you do are you prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions.