Taking a break from your kids can help your marriage and no that doesn’t include going gaga over an infommercial product that can grind down your respective callouses
After 13 years of marriage, my husband and I have fallen into a major relationship rut. As Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw would say, “We’ve become Mr. and Mrs. Married.” That undeniable magnetism that drew us together, has not necessarily disappeared but after two kids, a mortgage and insurance payments its force has dissipated. And last night while sitting in bed, and realizing that we were both going gaga for …DRUM ROLL…for an infommercial product that could grind down our respective callouses – I realized our quality time spent together needed a bit of an OVERHAUL.
Let me paint you a picture:
Life, and all the demands of raising kids is wreaking havoc on your relationship with your husband; and has systematically robbed you of that passion; that fire that seemed to erupt in your belly, each time you just so much as glanced at your betrothed. In fact, when you look at your husband these days, all you can think of is; did you pay the gardener’s bill, remember to get the car’s oil changed and buy diapers for the baby. And if your husband leaves his shaving cream mess in the sink’s basin just one more time, well you’re simply going to lose it.
The stress of maintaining a household and kids has in effect driven a bit of a wedge between you and your man and that long dormant sparkle that seemed to ignite the minute you saw your love well it’s been all but extinguished.
Make romance a priority
“Let’s face it, life is busy. There are so many things on our To Do lists that it’s amazing we can make it through the day. Unfortunately, in our culture everything else seems to take precedence over making time for caring for our primary relationship,“ says Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique, co-authors “Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets For Great Sex!”. “And when we make a habit of not being romantic and sexual, it becomes very easy to walk away from that side of ourselves. It’s also a scary proposition to build that bridge back to one another once the distance has been created. Remember the passion and love that brought you together and fight for it. Make romance your priority and your whole family will be happier and healthier. “
According to Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique as children, we learn about relationships based on what we witness from our parents’ relationship- both the positive and the not so positive parts. That said it’s vital that parents make time to nurture their romantic relationship. They feel so many children today are learning that relationships are disposable – if it’s broken, don’t fix it just get a new one. Couples are staying together “for the kids”. This is not a healthy message to send to children.
“Show your kids that romance and passion isn’t just for young love – the part of your relationship they may have missed – rather that it is a natural and the best part of your relationship for a lifetime,” says Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique. “Your relationship may suffer if your kids are your sole priority. Make a happy, romantic and sexy marriage your priority and watch how much your kids get out of it – the transformation may surprise you! If you touch more, laugh more, kiss more and dance before dinner, the energy in your home will shift and your kids will reflect that by also becoming more agreeable, happy and affectionate. “
Take a break from the kids
According to Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique passionate partners make better parents, so taking a break for extended couple time – a long weekend can be sufficient while a week is best – is a great way to rejuvenate your relationship. There are no pressures of schedules and little voices demanding 99 percent of your attention, so you can focus on romance and learn to hear each other’s needs again. It also gives you the freedom to be sexual whenever the mood strikes, not just once the kids are asleep.
“Ask yourself this question: Would you rather they believe that marriage is about arguing about money and kids, and fighting over who does household chores, or should they strive to create a relationship rich in romance, passion and laughter?,” “Build the foundation of your legacy on love and passion, and your children will do the same. They may think that you are acting silly now but later they will understand how critical the lesson of love truly is about.”
Dealing with the guilt factor
If parents are experiencing twinges of guilt about leaving the kids behind, Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique advises parents to plan a special day or weekend with the kids upon their return – and let the kids plan it. Whether it’s a new kid’s movie, their favorite pizza place, or an amusement park, the kids will be excited about getting quality time with mom and dad and not begrudge them their time away. Once you get back, you will be refreshed and renewed, touching more, laughing more, and feeling more romantic and sexual. All of these things are great lessons for kids to witness, so they can replicate positive behaviors in relationships later, when it’s their turn.
The magic daily 10 minutes
If you simply can’t physically get away, Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique suggest that every day, couples set aside 10 minutes to be completely alone, with no interruptions. That includes television, phones, and kids.
During these ten minutes, you can talk about any topic that does not cause you stress – that means no talk about the kids, work, in-laws or money – and instead discuss topics that help you get to know each other again.
Is there a new restaurant you want to try, a language you want to learn, a fantasy vacation you want to take, a vision of what retirement might look like? Find out what dreams and goals your partner has today – chances are they might be different than the last time you asked.
Commit to making “date nights” with your partner
The easiest, fastest and cheapest way to transform your relationship is to revitalize your sexual connection. To do that with kids in the picture means setting boundaries and teaching the kids to respect them. You will all be happier for it.
So will you be taking a vacation from your kids anytime soon?