When birthday presents go bad…
That old wives tale about Jewish girls not wanting to perform certain actions (ahem) well as a Jewish girl, I can only speak for myself but really unless there’s a medical reason compelling me to perform said act- as in- my husband’s life is hanging in the balance and the only way to save him from death’s grasp would be to perform said act, are the circumstances that would warrant my performing said act.
So, given the fact that I don’t adore said act (but ladies– which one of us can say with complete unabashed certainty that we LOVE doing this service for our significant others- unless we are ladies of the night and getting paid to do so, and you know those ladies of the night are just doing their job as perfunctorily as possible- but I digress).
So this year, when my husband turned the big 53, I truly thought what can I get this man- who returns the wallets I buy for him, saying the ratty old one he’s been carrying around ala George Costanza- just bursting at the seams with receipts, phone numbers scrawled on scraps of paper is all he needs, for his present?
And then while in Chinatown one day I found a cute little box, that had a small slot to insert money- and a 1950′s era style looking photo of a clean cut guy, who had this real earnest look on his face, and scrawled right above his picture in big letters was the phrase, ” I’m saving up for a Blow JOB.” I thought; how cute, funny and a gift my husband- who knows, performing said act is not on my bucket list, would appreciate. So I gave it to him, thinking he would laugh his ass off- and then begin to fastidiously stockpile those dollar bills and quarters to save up.
Well, I could not have been more off the mark- my sugar daddy thought it was not all that funny. And that he should not have to PAY for said act. Of course I agree, it should be part of the marital contract, as in once a year on your birthday, after placing a very large bauble on my neck, ears or wrists.
Well, tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be honest- if he gives me a little box , with a sweet looking 1950′s housewife and saying scrawled on top that says, I’m saving up for a night of hot sex with my husband well…I’d take it with BIG wide OPEN ARMS!..You reading this honey?!
Tell me the truth ladies… do any of you REALLY like performing said act… am I missing something?!