There I was driving my daughter to her dance class and I get that call that no one expects they will get. I had gone in for a routine sonogram of my ovaries, and then on what felt like an insignificant, take-my-daughter-to-her-first-of-two-dance-classes-for-the-week runs my GYN tells me, “Miriam (FYI for those of you who don’t already know my legal name, is Miriam, it was my great grandmother’s name and I wont ever legally change it) they found a mass on your ovary, so we need to get you an MRI with contrast for further testing.” I remember feeling a lump that took up a permanent residence in my throat, I couldn’t formulate words. Maybe it was my doctor’s matter-of-fact delivery of the news ( which you’d think I’d be quite familiar with, being that I live with a physician- who doesn’t sugar coat ANYTHING) but I immediately fell into this weird state of frozen panic.
Of course I didn’t want to completely freak out my daughter- I don’t want her to live with this cloud of dread, the way I grew up (with a mom always waiting for THAT TEST RESULT which would confirm her belief that her ailment du jour was THE ONE THAT WOULD CLAIM HER LIFE). So I calmly asked the GYN as nonchalantly as possible if I should be worried ( her responses DID NOT assuage my fears) and when my daughter asked me if everything was okay I said yes.
And here’s the thing about hearing that maybe something in your body is broken– there is not a GD DAMN thing you can do about it. You can panic, you can worry but really all you can do is wait, take the tests and hope and pray the results are that you can go back to watching The Real Housewives of wherever and pretend that life will never end. This is also when your marriage and when the person you call your spouse and the relationship you have with them is tested on every level. read more »